is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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