he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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