I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
