He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
