ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Randomize
