My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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