If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
