Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
