i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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