Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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