whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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