So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
