Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
