That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
