My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
