Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
