I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
