No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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