im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
