I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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