i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
