So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
