This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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