Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
