he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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