The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
We're too hungover to prance.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
