Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
and she was petting her beer can
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
