i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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