beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
