I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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