Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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