My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
