6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
