So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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