Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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