Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
if only i could text you this smell
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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