Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
