Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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