Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
