Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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