my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
where are you?
Hypothermia
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
