Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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