he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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