so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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