Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
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