when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
