I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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