i just identified you from a description of your pipe
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
