Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Buhtt sex?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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