we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
